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Movies just don’t satisfy when you can’t watch the theater

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Movies just don't satisfy when you can't watch the theater

I miss the movies. 

Last week, the Golden Globes and the Screen Actors Guild announced their award nominations, to be followed by Oscar contenders in March. For a whole year now, I haven’t seen any of the listed films. 

Nor do I know even a passing thing about most of them. Like a sports fan whose team is sidelined, I’ve mostly stopped reading the film pages in the papers. 

Yes, people say we’re in a golden age of film (and TV). Netflix, Amazon, Disney+, the Criterion Channel, Eventive — anything you want to watch, from the latest star vehicle to silent films, available on the computer. 

And for cheaper than an $18.50 ticket for a single screening, plus Sour Patch Kids, at a Manhattan theater. 

But watching a movie at home isn’t an escape. It’s just another chore to do on the screen. During a slow scene, you will end up checking your e-mail. If someone calls you during the movie, you may as well pause it and talk to him or her. 

It is not what you were paying the $18.50 for: a 2 ½-hour darkened break from real life. 

Like sitting on an airplane, actually going to the movies is surrendering control. The film starts on someone else’s schedule — which is probably half an hour too early or too late. This is a good thing: a reason to close the computer and go outside. 

There are 20 minutes of previews, plus the M&M’s ad. In a world in which 15-second TikTok videos can’t hold attention, this teaches patience and forbearance. 

Narrower choices, too, make for a broader experience. 

The boutique Munroe theater at Lincoln Center is just a nice theater — so I’d randomly pick one of whichever five or so movies it was playing until I had seen them all. 

Sure, at home, I theoretically could watch a film about Poland during the Cold War or a documentary about rats in Baltimore, but endless choice grows paralyzing. 

Also, frustrating. Why bother to read a movie review if the arty film is only available on a boutique, at-home-on-demand channel, and you don’t feel like signing up for yet another online service to try to cancel a month later? 

You can pick and choose old-fashioned movie theaters based on their day-to-day offerings, with no strings attached, and with no need to learn all about different distributors and their constricted licensing deals. 

And no, I’m not doing Netflix, even though my friend insists it would “change your life” — because instead of going to the movies once a week, I’d end up watching cheap Netflix TV all day. 

Connecting a unique physical location with a film makes for a stronger memory — both of the place and the film. “Hustlers” in Times Square is different from “Hustlers” on TV. A movie about the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin amid a crowd of elderly Jewish widows on the Upper West Side is different from watching it on the phone. 

“Midnight in Paris” is more fun if the screening is at midnight in Paris. “Paddington” in a theater of babbling British children is more fun than “Paddington” on the couch. 

Finally, the big screen makes bad movies better. “Motherless Brooklyn” at the AMC uptown is a magnified version of dizzying mid-20th-century New York. At home, it’s just a shabby script, full of holes. 

Carey Mulligan’s “Promising Young Woman” at the multiplex, with people hooting at the ­tables-turned-on-the-would-be-rapist scenes, might be a gleefully bad revenge flick. But released straight to video during the pandemic, as it was, it would probably feel like a shoddy B-movie that misses its own joke.

How many times have I looked out the window after “work” all these fall and winter days and thought, this would be a great cold, gloomy evening to walk to the movies, to see anything at all? 

Will the movies come back? Since a 2002 peak, annual tickets sold had fallen by 25 percent by 2019. Still, that’s 1.2 billion tickets a year. 

Like anything in the pandemic, the longer theaters stay closed, the harder it will be to survive. 

Gov. Cuomo could help, by letting city theaters open up at 25 percent capacity, with families sitting well away from each other, as he’s doing soon with indoor dining. 

Until then, I’ll read a book. 

Nicole Gelinas is a contributing editor to the Manhattan Institute’s City Journal. 

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Opinion

NYC needs a fighter for mayor, not a technocrat

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NYC needs a fighter for mayor, not a technocrat

Former Sanitation Commissioner Kathryn Garcia touts her career in city government and technocratic skills as reasons she should be your pick for mayor. Problem is, what New York needs right now is not just impressive-sounding plans, but the ability to fight for what the city needs.

Frankly, being a good-government star of the de Blasio city administration is a pretty minor achievement: The competition wasn’t exactly fierce. Nor did Garcia’s much-touted talent for logistics always prove true.

Back in November 2018, a mere six inches of snow paralyzed the city and left thousands of schoolkids trapped on school buses for hours. The response was so poor that Council Speaker Corey Johnson called for hearings into Garcia’s handling of the storm. She also ran into trouble as interim city Housing Authority chief, letting the insiders lead her to deliver false testimony about lead-paint remediation.

During the lockdowns, the mayor put her in charge of delivering emergency food to needy seniors. But her system demanded seniors use unfamiliar technology to sign up, and as The Post reported, the “beneficiaries” also had issues with food quality and delivery.

But the bigger issue isn’t dealing with the bureaucracy, but with the politicians. It’s not enough to reject “Defund the Police” nonsense: The city’s next mayor will need to muscle the City Council and Legislature into amending the anti-anti-crime laws they’ve passed in recent years, from the city’s “chokehold” mistake to the disastrous “no bail” legislation.

Brooklyn’s Eric Adams has the contacts from his time in the state Senate to move Albany, and the cred from a lifetime of fighting for police reform to argue persuasively against bad police reforms.

Garcia just hasn’t been in the political trenches. Indeed, two veteran Democratic operatives told The Post’s Julia Marsh that her lack of such seasoning would harm her ability to handle pressure from Gov. Andrew Cuomo, the council and the feds.

Coming out of the pandemic, New York City faces multiple crises: public safety, fiscal, economic. The next mayor can hire wonks, planners and managers; the talent he or she must have is a proven ability to make the right calls, as Adams did in centering his campaign on public safety from the start, and to beat the other politicians into going along. That’s why Eric Adams remains our choice.

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Opinion

The old Cold War models can’t help us meet today’s Russian threat

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The old Cold War models can’t help us meet today’s Russian threat

President Joe Biden and Russian autocrat Vladimir Putin are scheduled to meet Wednesday for the first time since Biden was elected president.

For many in the foreign-policy establishment, this is an exciting opportunity to conjure some Cold War drama. Historically, such summits were major happenings. They were premised on the idea that tensions between the two nuclear powers were so great and grave, merely talking was an accomplishment in its own right.

Conservatives contend that the summit is a mistake primarily because it gives Putin the prestige he craves while giving Biden nothing in return. I tend to agree. But this argument also draws on the same Cold War nostalgia.

Conservatives often opposed US-Soviet summits, because they were seen as part of a process of “normalization” and détente that not only lent the Soviets undeserved legitimacy but often ended with concessions that strengthened our enemy.

Worse, such summits were often used to buy cover or time for Soviet expansionism. Forty-two years ago this week, Jimmy Carter met with Leonid Brezhnev in Vienna to sign the SALT II treaty. Brezhnev personally promised his peaceful intentions to Carter, and six months later, the Soviets invaded Afghanistan.

You can see how those arguments could be applied today, but I think we’d all be better served to ditch the Cold War stuff, because circumstances have changed.

First, Russia is a basket case. Rife with corruption, entirely dependent on oil and gas revenues and starving for foreign investment, Russia’s entire GDP ($1.7 trillion) is smaller than Biden’s first COVID relief package.

Second, as morally bankrupt as Soviet Communism was, it nonetheless appealed to the hearts and minds of millions around the globe. No one, save would-be despots, looks at the Russian “model” as something they want to emulate. We’re not competing with Russia for moral leadership.

That’s because Putin is better understood as a cross between a conventional mob boss, a James Bond villain and a Latin-American strongman. Estimates of his personal wealth range from $40 billion to $200 billion. Whatever the right number, he didn’t get that rich from wisely investing his $300,000 salary.

Putin holds onto power in part through crushing domestic opposition, intimidating or killing dissidents, blackmail, censorship and other tactics of ruthless tyrants. But he also maintains control by keeping Russian society in a constant state of crisis by relentlessly fueling paranoia that the West is at war with Russia and he’s the only leader strong enough to hold her enemies at bay. A true Cold War nostalgic, he believes that relations with the West are zero-sum: Whatever is bad for the West is good for Russia.

That’s why Russia is constantly meddling in Western elections, including our own in 2016. It’s also why Russia’s propaganda machine loves to amplify America’s domestic shortcomings.

The idea that Biden (or anyone) can talk Putin out of his perceived self-interest is ludicrous. Someone who has clung to power through murder and oppression can’t be made to see the light with finger-wagging bromides.

Biden would be well-served to tell Putin simply and bluntly that there will be concrete consequences to his actions — assuming Biden is willing to follow through. Beyond that, Biden should take a page from Putin himself. The Russian dictator sees these summits as a propaganda opportunity, domestically and internationally. Biden should, too.

Propaganda has taken on a negative connotation, suggesting pernicious state misinformation. But propaganda was originally about propagating the faith, specifically Catholicism. To his credit, Biden seems to be sincerely interested in propagating the faith of democracy, the rule of law and Western resolve. He won’t be able to persuade Putin of any of that. But that’s not the audience that matters. There are people throughout Russia who need to hear it — and in America, too.

Twitter: @JonahDispatch

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Opinion

Step up for the cops, says ex-NYPD brass Joanne Jaffe

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Step up for the cops, says ex-NYPD brass Joanne Jaffe

Three-star chief commander, highest-ranking female ever in the NYPD, Joanne Jaffe was let go. Despite her pending lawsuit relative to discriminating employment practices, she has workable ideas about handling our crime problem.

“My first day as a cop, 1979, a 4 to 12 tour along totally decimated, blown out Pitkin Avenue’s boarded up buildings, my first thought? ‘How to go to the bathroom?’

“As for now, this city’s thousands of religious leaders with influence over communities they serve must step up to preserve the sanctity of life. Our priority is their priority. They should be out in the streets saying, ‘Stop the violence.’ Also our grandmothers. They’re influential over grandchildren. Let them be involved in what their kids and great-grandchildren are doing.

“Plus, a block watch program that really works. There’s 77 precincts. Plus, 12 transit districts. But we need the community. Disagree with the police, OK, but be part of discussions. Understand the anger.

“There’s a supervision of homeless shelters, so why are police the repository of all society’s social ills? More things get shoved onto the police when other agencies haven’t training or ability to cope.

“There’s city agencies. Pick the top hundred families that can help with medical, economic, education problems. You only hear about keeping kids out of jail. How about before they go to jail? Instead of watching TV all day, we’ve got to build school relationships in a different way.

“Politicians knowing nothing sit at tables making decisions. They don’t invite police officials. Don’t know what it’s like struggling in the middle of a crowd, things thrown at you, fighting you. Not clean. Nothing’s pretty. These pols have rallies. They march. They don’t even know what they’re talking about.

“Our cops know who it is. They know their people. Others tell them. They know who, what. They know how to calm things down. We need people to come out, like when a child gets shot. When these tragedies happen they shout out for two days and then slink back. We need them to stay out. Our elected officials are busy with rallies. We need them, our religious leaders, our grandparents, our top families to come out!

“Cops aren’t engaging now because they feel unsupported. Disillusioned. Morale is low. They’re no longer willing to risk. It’s not defund the police or support the police. It’s come to the middle.”

Unlucky with Leo?

DiCaprioJulianne Hough’s niece, being a yenta, has claimed her aunt told her Leo is not “King of the World” between the sheets. Then on Howard Stern’s show recently a caller said he stood next to Leo at the urinal in Sunset Beach on Shelter Island and assessed DiCaprio’s various parts. Not king-sized burbled this one. Stern, skeptical, admitted, “I know that bathroom and never use it. Rather pee in my pants if I have to.”


THE good news. Finally, we’re dragging out last year’s stylish clothes. The bad news? Thanks to our pandemic’s stay-home/eat-home year — nothing fits.

Not only in New York, kids, not only in New York.

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